When my mom passed away last year, my
sister dutifully took over taking care of our father. I helped out on weekends,
but I worked a full-time job. My sister helped Dad out on her own most of the
week. She spent nearly every day with our father making certain that he feeds
himself, made it to doctors's appointments, and even that he got out for walks
("shuffles" as he calls them) twice a day.
While
he lacks his youthful mobility and eyesight, our dad is in great health and
wonderful spirits. He and my sister have a great relationship - it's fun to
listen to them joke back and forth about the weather or current
affairs.
My sister put her life on hold to start
taking care of him when Mom passed. Originally she was supposed to go back to
school, but she paused those plans in order to spend more time with Mom, and to
help out with Dad.
I love my younger sister. She is young,
vibrant, and full of energy. She is also a natural caretaker. She always places
other people's needs first. I admire this aspect of her character, but I also
worry about her living her life. I appreciate all that she has done for our
family, our father in particular. However, I wanted her to remember to take care
of herself.
I sat my sister down and asked her about
her goals for the future. She wistfully mentioned school, but seemed to dismiss
it as a fantasy. She started to resign herself to a life caring for my father.
If I thought this path held fulfillment for her I wouldn't give it a second
thought. However, I knew how much she wanted to continue to study physical
therapy and have a career of her own. While her personal efforts to keep our
father active and mobile inspired me, I knew she wanted to accomplish more in
the field.
We talked about our options. I offered to
move down to part-time work, but realistically it does not make financial sense
at this time. I carry my families insurance and cover a lot of expenses for my
sister and father with my salary. We also talked about a retirement home.
While the idea of a retirement home isn't
as off-putting as it used to be (My husband wanted to move into the one we
visited when we were exploring options), both my sister and I decided we are
more comfortable with our dad at home. Dad's kind of an introvert, and we figure
that home care suits him better.
We both thought that a personal caregiver
would be too expensive, but after some research found options for senior caregivers that fit within our budget and Dad's needs. We hired a personal
caregiver on for three days a week.
So far the service is working out well.
Dad was initially shy around his caregiver, but has since opened up to him. They
like to play cards together, and watch ballgames. The caregiver makes certain
dad meets all of his appointments and take care of whatever is needed.
My sister still stays with my dad twice a
week, but as her course load intensifies we will need to move to full-time care.
It's going to be a tight financial squeeze, but we can make it work. Seeing my
sister graduate next spring will be worth the extra belt tightening.
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